Wooooo magazine boss guy Jason Crombie once tried to smooth talk himself through a job interview at a respected international publication. MonoBrow got hold of a recording of this disastrous conversation with Jason and the editor-in-chief and decided to write down a transcript.
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editor leafs through resumé of Jason
Mmmm, you haven't done anything I've heard of.
"Dude-balls, I'm a very famous writer. I'll have to assume that you are an illiterate person, otherwise you would know what I've done and what I do. I'm the editor/founder of Wooooo Magazine and I'm an author."
Right.
"My most famous book to date is about a gay cat becoming president, it's called President Faggot Cat and Dreamworks are making it into a movie. Carson Kressley will be the voice of the cat, and smouldering Jimmy Schmitts will be played by himself."
This may sound strange coming from someone like me, but why would you like to make money asking questions about the lives of others?
"Because everyone likes to listen in on conversations and thats what Wooooo is. It's like eavesdropping on interesting but basically ridiculous conversations. Who said anything about making money though?"
We get a lot of applicants who only want to work here to get access to cellphone numbers of famous sexy people. Are you after a particular number?
"I am looking for a very, very, very famous sexy number actually, but I can't tell you because you might scoop me, as we say in the biz."
Hmmmrrpfh
"It's funny how many people ask me who I'm interviewing next, and it's always other magazines and other writers. You must all think I'm a moron! Oh, so who are you interviewing next? And while we're at it give me your credit card and social security number. Nice try, Flaps McGee."
Someone enters room and whispers in editor in chiefs' ear then leaves.
Right. I've just been told that you can be very irreverent and infantile. My p.a. mentioned an incident that supposedly happened a month or so ago. Please elaborate.
"Well that was fucking rude! Why don't I get my p.a. in here to whisper stuff about you in my ear? Jeez! Get some tact! If the incident you're referring to is the Keifer Sutherland/Bahamas thing forget it. I can't talk about it for obvious legal reasons."
Mmmm.
"The only other thing I can think of is the time I was caught combing my pubes with a plastic fork in the map room of the New York State Library. Big deal. Like I'm the only person who's ever done that. Next question."
I also see here that you're known for your candid interviews. Why do you think people open up so easily with you?
"I don't know. I guess I'm just super charming n' shit. Can I go now? Please? Dude-balls?"
Well, I surely will be honest with you: I don't think you're the person we're looking for. Sorry.
"Your loss, man. I'm taking your stapler."
Before you leave: have you ever thought about a career switch? Do you have any other qualities?
"No qualities to speak of. I wouldn't even call my writing ability a quality... or an ability for that matter. I truly suck in every conceivable way."
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